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What do you think of Long Distance Relationships?
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24 / F / SEA
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Posted 10/29/12

Kiune wrote:

I have alot of experience in this.

My first relationship was with a girl in Spain which lasted a year and a half. I was younger then though, but i managed to see her once every two months thanks to be parents being understanding. It went fine, we spoke for hours and hours online, enjoyed each others company very much when we got to see each other, i got to know her friends and she got to know mine. It was great. We called it "love" back then, although i'm beginning to doubt what that word means after my last relationship. In the end i finished it because... well. In short, i was an immature prick and essentially got bored. I had just moved to a new country (Netherlands) and wanted a fresh start.

My second and most recent, albeit a year and half ago now, was with a girl i met in Holland in the 6th Form i went to just before i moved back to England for University. Now i'm going to have to try and be objective here, because she ended up cheating on me and it's still unpleasant to think about. The relationship was the best one i have been in in my life, i can without a doubt say that i loved her with everything i had and i did everything and anything i could for her. It was a bit of a fairy tail, the way we met, how we confesed. We went camping shortly after we met, and ended up going on a bit of a wander at night. We stopped on a bridge over a river, and we just stood there looking at the moon (no i'm seriously not making this up). She turned to me and looking at the floor started tearing up and started saying "I...I...I" I grabbed her shoulders, and said "I know, and... i think i love you too."

Corny right? But it actually happened. How can a relationship like that go wrong right?

Ok, tangent over. Basically, the relationship started to go wrong after our first summer we spent together. We had a long talk about where the relationship was, and where it's going and what it was going to be like when she was at Uni in England. And this is where mistake number one happened. I said i would change myself completely.

Wrong answer.

It started to go downhill for the next 6 months, and this is where the difference started in LDR vs normal relationship. You have to make a choice between friends and socialising, and staying in and talking to your partner to maintain healthy communication. She chose friends, i... well. I didn't have any friends. Problems arose, we couldn't talk about the problems due to poor communication, which then led to more.
This also ment that any time we DID talk was about problems in the relationship. <<< This is not good.

Eventually she cheated on me. That was it basically, i wanted to keep going due to aforementioned head over heals love, she did too. For a while. She broke up with me shortly after that.

Basically. From my experience. They can work, but they need very very specific types of people. They are much much more difficult, open to trust abuse, much more expensive and sacrifices have to be made on BOTH sides. But. It can be worth it, this relationship was a massive learning experience and a crucial part of me becoming me. Just be aware of what you are getting yourself into. unless you're lucky enough to eventually move in together and get married or something similar, to me, the sheer amount of time effort and money required to make an LDR work is only worthit in a few cases.

Sorry, that was long winded. I'm sure someone will appreciate reading this though.



Make sure you're not someone from once upon a time series :))
sorry to hear that bad ending but looks like your journey is an amazing one :))
I tend to meet my boyfriend once in a year-- welp
But he always make sure that our communication went well and everything's gonna be okay he assure..

I don't know what to do if I got a scholarship to another country..
I want a fresh start like you mention.. oh.. maybe time will answer this confusion
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23 / Canada
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Posted 10/29/12
Long distance is what ended my relationship...out of sight out of mind...I thought I loved her no matter what, same for her...calling eachother wasn't enough...
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35 / M / Northern California
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Posted 10/29/12
I can't personally say "they're not worth it" or "they never work." I don't believe either statement to be true; I have seen some merit in at least trying. Sometimes we find happiness where we least expect it (pun intended,) even if only for a short time. My overall experience with them has been...bittersweet at best. But I consider them to be lessons learned, and I'm much more aware of the qualities I don't want in a relationship. Even though it's not a viable option in my life right now, for various reasons, I might be willing to try again in time.

I know in general, relationships that start long distance don't tend to last, even when there are opportunities to visit, and/or one moves to be with the other. I also know that under the right circumstances, they can work. As others have said, it takes the right combination of personalities, a lot of trust, and the will to see it through. Then again, I consider myself a hopeful romantic - the primary difference being, a hopeless person can't really be a romantic one.
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Posted 10/30/12

Spazticus wrote:

I can't personally say "they're not worth it" or "they never work." I don't believe either statement to be true; I have seen some merit in at least trying. Sometimes we find happiness where we least expect it (pun intended,) even if only for a short time. My overall experience with them has been...bittersweet at best. But I consider them to be lessons learned, and I'm much more aware of the qualities I don't want in a relationship. Even though it's not a viable option in my life right now, for various reasons, I might be willing to try again in time.

I know in general, relationships that start long distance don't tend to last, even when there are opportunities to visit, and/or one moves to be with the other. I also know that under the right circumstances, they can work. As others have said, it takes the right combination of personalities, a lot of trust, and the will to see it through. Then again, I consider myself a hopeful romantic - the primary difference being, a hopeless person can't really be a romantic one.


Awww hopeful romantic.. that's a nice idiom :)) *add to love dictionary* haha :))
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35 / M / Northern California
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Posted 10/30/12

meowtaku wrote:


Spazticus wrote:

I can't personally say "they're not worth it" or "they never work." I don't believe either statement to be true; I have seen some merit in at least trying. Sometimes we find happiness where we least expect it (pun intended,) even if only for a short time. My overall experience with them has been...bittersweet at best. But I consider them to be lessons learned, and I'm much more aware of the qualities I don't want in a relationship. Even though it's not a viable option in my life right now, for various reasons, I might be willing to try again in time.

I know in general, relationships that start long distance don't tend to last, even when there are opportunities to visit, and/or one moves to be with the other. I also know that under the right circumstances, they can work. As others have said, it takes the right combination of personalities, a lot of trust, and the will to see it through. Then again, I consider myself a hopeful romantic - the primary difference being, a hopeless person can't really be a romantic one.


Awww hopeful romantic.. that's a nice idiom :)) *add to love dictionary* haha :))


Thank you, I'm happy it was appreciated. I thought that one up back in high school, after my third or fourth reading of Cyrano de Bergerac. (I really enjoyed the book, but I also did a lot of acting back then, and it was a possible production that year, so it was a win-win.)
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M / 20.0167° N, 155.6...
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Posted 10/30/12 , edited 10/30/12
It works.... I have a lot of friends that marry girls from the philippines..... then bring them over years later when all the immigration things go through... they seem to be very faithful to there wives before they get here. they do fly each other back and forth. either one of my friends goes to visit them. or he brings them to hawaii... either way....I've seen it happen with about 15 of my friends and about 23 of the people I work with...even in the Hula world... when we go to Japan... the girls always want to marry and come back with us
wwe
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Posted 10/30/12

alniau wrote:

It works.... I have a lot of friends that marry girls from the philippines..... then bring them over years later when all the immigration things go through... they seem to be very faithful to there wives before they get here. they do fly each other back and forth. either one of my friends goes to visit them. or he brings them to hawaii... either way....I've seen it happen with about 15 of my friends and about 23 of the people I work with...even in the Hula world... when we go to Japan... the girls always want to marry and come back with us




Thats good glad it works out for them I am in a long distance relationship my self I am in the US and he is in Canada and can only see each other every few months , next week is when I will see him again as we wait we skype, email, web cam all the time as much as we can, We still live our lives, go to work, hangout with friends we just have that trust with each other so can do other things and not worry about cheating or anything else it can be a bit painful at times when we wish could be there to hug and hold each other in person but the wait is worth it. So if anyone want to do a long distance relationship and can make it work and have that trust then go for it.
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Posted 10/30/12


I meet a lot of people from all over the world living where I'm living right now.... the most recent girl I'm dating is from Tokyo... she is a transfer student here. but I know she goes back and forth to japan a lot. it sucks when shes gone and I know how you feel. but yes the necessities.....skype, yahoo webcam, and vonage all work out fine for me too when shes not here.....and twice a year I do fly out there usually on her summer break.....
wwe
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30 / F / where all my drea...
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Posted 10/30/12


well I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out for you
Kiune 
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23 / M / UK
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Posted 10/30/12

VanillePink wrote:

I appreciated.
Nice to get a guy's input who have been in a LDR that isn't completely negative.
I'm in a LDR at the moment, rough as hell but I believe we will make it : )



That's good to hear, i was quite apprehensive about reading peoples responses to what i wrote!

Good luck with your partner too, i hope everything works for you : )


isisprince wrote:

This is all true. I'm sorry to hear how it turned out for you. How very accurate, though! It takes a real commitment and real special people to do this. I would say most people can't.


Thanks for the concern, it was pretty horrific at the time, definately my worst experience of my life so far. I've been thinking about it, and like i said, the past is what makes us who we are right? : )


meowtaku wrote:

Make sure you're not someone from once upon a time series :))
sorry to hear that bad ending but looks like your journey is an amazing one :))
I tend to meet my boyfriend once in a year-- welp
But he always make sure that our communication went well and everything's gonna be okay he assure..

I don't know what to do if I got a scholarship to another country..
I want a fresh start like you mention.. oh.. maybe time will answer this confusion


It's always going to be hard, but the fact that you're obviously putting a lot of effort into it is a huge step in making sure it works!
I hope you find what your looking for in the end though, and if it doesn't work, learn from it and keep looking : )


On a side note, i'll leave this bit of advice my Dad gave me when i was going through this. He told me that no matter how much it hurts now, give it time. It wont heal the pain, but as time goes on you'll see things from a different perspective, and sometimes seeing things in a different way is all you need.







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25 / M / BC Canada
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Posted 10/30/12
i dont know if it could work since I never done it, but I am sure some people can pull it off.
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24 / F / SEA
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Posted 10/30/12

Spazticus wrote:


meowtaku wrote:


Spazticus wrote:

I can't personally say "they're not worth it" or "they never work." I don't believe either statement to be true; I have seen some merit in at least trying. Sometimes we find happiness where we least expect it (pun intended,) even if only for a short time. My overall experience with them has been...bittersweet at best. But I consider them to be lessons learned, and I'm much more aware of the qualities I don't want in a relationship. Even though it's not a viable option in my life right now, for various reasons, I might be willing to try again in time.

I know in general, relationships that start long distance don't tend to last, even when there are opportunities to visit, and/or one moves to be with the other. I also know that under the right circumstances, they can work. As others have said, it takes the right combination of personalities, a lot of trust, and the will to see it through. Then again, I consider myself a hopeful romantic - the primary difference being, a hopeless person can't really be a romantic one.


Awww hopeful romantic.. that's a nice idiom :)) *add to love dictionary* haha :))


Thank you, I'm happy it was appreciated. I thought that one up back in high school, after my third or fourth reading of Cyrano de Bergerac. (I really enjoyed the book, but I also did a lot of acting back then, and it was a possible production that year, so it was a win-win.)


Haha :))
3/4 times? That's quite a lot Is it available in english translation? i googled it and it used french
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Posted 10/30/12
Can it? Yes. Is it a wise choice to make? Usually not.
Does it last? Generally, until one person loses the interest in the distance.
Distance may indeed induce more interest, but over time it gets crippling.
The ripple effect of someone being far away if you cannot see them reasonably is local dating.
If both people are committed, they MUST meet before things change. It's the only way.
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24 / F / SEA
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Posted 10/30/12

Kiune wrote:


VanillePink wrote:

I appreciated.
Nice to get a guy's input who have been in a LDR that isn't completely negative.
I'm in a LDR at the moment, rough as hell but I believe we will make it : )



That's good to hear, i was quite apprehensive about reading peoples responses to what i wrote!

Good luck with your partner too, i hope everything works for you : )


isisprince wrote:

This is all true. I'm sorry to hear how it turned out for you. How very accurate, though! It takes a real commitment and real special people to do this. I would say most people can't.


Thanks for the concern, it was pretty horrific at the time, definately my worst experience of my life so far. I've been thinking about it, and like i said, the past is what makes us who we are right? : )


meowtaku wrote:

Make sure you're not someone from once upon a time series :))
sorry to hear that bad ending but looks like your journey is an amazing one :))
I tend to meet my boyfriend once in a year-- welp
But he always make sure that our communication went well and everything's gonna be okay he assure..

I don't know what to do if I got a scholarship to another country..
I want a fresh start like you mention.. oh.. maybe time will answer this confusion


It's always going to be hard, but the fact that you're obviously putting a lot of effort into it is a huge step in making sure it works!
I hope you find what your looking for in the end though, and if it doesn't work, learn from it and keep looking : )


On a side note, i'll leave this bit of advice my Dad gave me when i was going through this. He told me that no matter how much it hurts now, give it time. It wont heal the pain, but as time goes on you'll see things from a different perspective, and sometimes seeing things in a different way is all you need.




*stunned* what a beautiful words :)) You're Dad is so cool *taking another notes*
Thanks to you and for the advice :))
I hope we'll be always together x) heehee
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23 / M / Usa
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Posted 10/30/12
I had a long distance relationship for 3 years..........now i have been with her for 5 years and been married for 1 and have a 2 year old son. Doesn't mean all long distance relationships will work out but it did for me lol
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